Jesus: The Guru of Galalee

At the age of six or seven, I was a follower of  Jesus and had no doubt that He was real and present in my young life and this presence was tangible and felt very deeply. This was not because I was indoctrinated into the Roman Catholic Church by my parents and told I MUST believe. It was because as soon as the stories, parables and teachings of Jesus were heard it was clearly known to be Truth. I did not have to understand the meaning or be able to quote any of his words as recounted by his disciples in the Bible. They spoke to an eternal being in this tiny young body that could resonate with the ancient words and teachings as if this knowledge had no age requirement. Neither could I get distracted by the dogma of the Catholic Church at such an innocent age. This came later and interrupted the pure transmission/reception of the beautiful message He conveyed and left as a legacy to all those who sought to know and associate (as in satsang) with the truth of their eternal being. I had so much joy and experienced states of rapture when kneeling down and praying the Lord's Prayer 'Our Father' in church. My little heart was filled with His Grace. The church was a place of love and peace which, when I entered, I could truly feel as the sacred presence of God.

But, I suppose due to childhood traumas and probably somewhat to the soul's lack of faith, I lost this sense of being the innocent child of God and became a scared little girl who was at times comforted by the soothing love of this Presence which, in very pitiful and desperate times, still came to assure me that I was going to be okay. I was very vulnerable and exposed to a lot of turmoil in familial circumstances. As I grew physically and matured into a young woman I was, none the less, stunted in spiritual growth. Still carrying the grace of the touch of Jesus' love, however, I had much love to give. I was very compassionate and often reached out to those who were excluded or pushed aside. In my adolescence, my need for this 'lost' love was found in physical expressions of love and intimacy. As a result of this, there was a breech with the Church's doctrine and much of societies own beliefs. The pain and sadness spread from this misguided life to those who felt the responsibility and shame of the consequences that followed as a result of my misunderstandings and poor judgments. And the wish to overcome these transgressions, my own and those of others, began from about the age of 22.

Depression led me to therapists and it also led to the interest in psychology which I majored in in University, with a minor study in existential philosophy. (go figure!) I did not get great marks as I was not really interested in school but there seemed to be a reason to follow this route. This reason was pointed out by my Intro Psychology professor who said most people choose to study psychology to 'figure themselves out'.  Boyfriends, parties and hiding from life seemed to be the only apparent reason to be in school at the time but I scraped through and began working as a group home counselor and got a bit off track with material desire until I came to another crisis in relationship and moved to a small rural collage town where I found a lot of alternative therapies which were offered for sliding scale prices and then I 'talked' a lot, and imagined a lot and visualized a lot, etc., etc.. There were some nice new age healing practices with a spiritual flavor that came from these meetings and offered their doses of self-esteem and self-love which was helpful to the point that I could release some grievances in supportive and safe environments. Reiki was part of this picture also as I sought the invisible realms once again, knowing that reality was not just what could be seen and touched.

I returned to some Christian churches that I felt were more open minded and  liberal than the one I had been born into. This satisfied my soul in it's search for something greater than myself but there was a bias that could not be reconciled completely so this search took me in another direction but NOT away from the love of God. It brought me to look East and at the teachings of India which are even older than those of Jesus, and perhaps one's that had some bearing on the spiritual education of the young man from Galalee.

And gradually, with the seed planted long ago by the grace of  Lord Jesus, I began to open up once again to a love beyond understanding. The biggest motivation for this was becoming a mother. My own mother was a model of strength through very challenging times and taught me a lot about unconditional love. There had been a strong desire to be a mother for as long as I can remember. This may have come, in some strange way, from the same desire to be a nun when I was a little girl. I have a devotional nature, and the love needed to be directed to it's source one way or another. Anyway, that prayer was answered at the age of 33 and I have been devoted and dedicated to this role for the last 20 years. Passing on this legacy of Living Truth being shared by living Masters to my daughter has been the biggest reward of all. For, she sees that my happiness comes from this source and that nothing in life or death can alter this. Hopefully, an example she will follow.

In the spirit of  Christ, all has been and is forgiven both within and without. The sole purpose of this bit of background information is to say that the Satguru (the eternal living spirit within)  was always present in all my life's circumstances and where I am now in my Heart as a devotee has it's origins in my religious beginnings in the Western traditions of Christianity which was diverted due to, I guess you could say, the world's temptations or as they say in the Eastern Indian culture, Maya. Adolescence was my 'dark night of the soul'. But, today there is much light and grace. I may not be directly associated with the West's Guru of Galalee through the established church of his Gospel, but He has led me, I'm sure, to those living Guru's who impart to this modern world the much needed connection to our spiritual (God) Being.

Amen Amen Amen!

~ Shanti-Mauna